ok.. some updates..

i cant rem wat i did the last week.. last weekend was spent at aranda country club for hc n cs bday chalet.. went down on fri after work.. next day was just slacking myself away at the chalet.. well cos dear cant do anything due to his hand injury.. played mj.. n i nearly nearly got the dont wat 13 cards thingy.. wah liew.. i already waiting to game le.. short of 1 tile nia.. lol.. exciting lehz.. haha.. after which is buffet.. hc's parents n relatives came over.. haha.. surprisingly his mom stil rems mi.. lol.. pop down to cs' chalet n saw nigel, jona, sihao, thomas n mingyu.. played heart attack.. haha.. then it was cut cake session.. so sorry that i couldnt go down to cs' one.. something crop up.. just dont wish to mention here..

monday went to work all the way till 11 plus.. siannn... then went over his place cos he got operation on tuesday.. end up i cant wake up.. i guess i was just tired.. his mom acc him there.. the operation finish at late afternoon so he cant discharge..
today i went over in the morning n had lunch wif him n his mom.. wait for the nurse to do the procedures n we went home... supposed to go down zouk to look for rh.. but sorry boy.. i was really tired plus tml have to work.. hiakz..

i browse thru some of my fren's blog n saw this interesting quiz.. to be frank.. its really true u know.. i am surprised.. it realli speaks of wat i am facing now..

You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what ? this is a part of your character and charm.

You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.

these few days my mind is preoccupied with alot of stuffs..
Dinner n dance this fri.. n i havent bought my shoes..
Gb 21st bday chalet this weekend..
Dear's bday this weekend n i havent prepared anything for him.. i totally have no time.. haiz..
everything is happening around the same time.. no money as well.. bcos i wanna give more to my mom..
Plus another more serious stuffs.. my father has been exchanging email with mi.. i am pissed by the words he used.. to all guys out there.. if u think u cant commit to anything, then dont fucking get into a marriage n ruin everyone's life.. everyday i have been thinking abt this.. i sent an email back to him screwing him upside down.. n ya.. he threatened with a divorce..
so wat.. i had to swallow my pride, reason things out with him n help my mom.. i really cant take it anymore..
and yet after all these, i really dont know how to tell my mom abt wat he said to mi.. bcos i know she will be sad.. she will ask mi to swallow everything down n "sweet talk" to him... damn bastard..

i am trying not to let it affect my work.. but it just seems to pop out.. and i stil havent send wat the msg tt i promise rh i would.. i stil have yet to reply to cs.. argh..

I Need a Break!! anyone.. anybody.. take mi away from all these..

The past whole week was night shift with Kk.. a super tiring week for the both of us...

Monday.. morning i went sentosa with pu, vincent n biao yong.. played some beach volley n surprisingly, they even brought along cards.. so we sat in the middle of the beach playing big2.. haha.. after wards all of us just slacked n relac at one of the bars... half way thru.. i felt veri veri giddy.. so i tot i would go get sth sweet to drink.. by the time i reach the bar.. i totally blacked out.. n tt split moment.. i was really veri frightened.. bcos its the first time i experienced anything like that.. everywhere around mi was in total pitch black.. but stil.. i gathered all my strength n walked over to a chair n i really collapsed there... the bar owner was so kind to call out for pu... i rest, washed up, n quickly went over to lucas place to take a rest..
half way thru.. my boss msg mi asking mi to go in early to work.. so i tot i take a rest and go in to help.. but lucas dont allow.. he wants mi to rest more.. lol..
so the whole night mi n kk were super busy.. no time to rest at all... -_-

Tuesday.. I went over his place to slp after work.. all the way till night... n its busy night for mi n kk again.. arrrghhh...

Wednesday.. busy night again?! its like so sian can... supposed to meet up wif pu for swimming.. in the end i am locked at home... long n stupid story ok.. n pu came all the way to acc mi.. haha.. he sitting outside my hse n mi inside my hse chit chatting... lol..

Thursday.. i realli cant rem wat happened.. but its busy night again lo... haiz..

Friday.. the eve of a PH.. meaning more work for all of us... mi n kk went in early and we managed to release all the results early.. yeay! so its free for us the whole night.. haha..

Sat.. after work i just went to his place n zzzz the whole day... woke up to meet up wif spencer, cindy, wee, hc n charlene to geylang for dinner.. frog leg porridge! yummilicious! hehe.. half way thru.. he called saying he fell down at soccer n fractured his finger.. =( took a cab down to hosp n pick him n his parents up before sending him home..
After sending him back, he actually told mi to go back to look for spencer they all when its already 10 plus at night ! dotz... i was quite irritated.. so i went back home...

Fri was work as usual.. despite the fact i was feeling super down.. and plus i couldnt contact him.. no doubt he was having ops.. i have to admit that i was feeling good when i know nth abt it.. but anyway, its all okay bcos he has his reasons..
Instead i called wee n talked to him abt some stuffs.. went home and i decided to take the initiative move.. i msg him if he had finished his ops.. n so he said he was stil at a pub at tanjong pagar.. alright.. i went off to slp after all.. in the midst of it.. i was woken up by his miss-call.. and i did not call back cos i was too slpy.. received a msg from him.. n i slpt with a smile on my face..

Sat i was supposed to meet gb n ah gong at cck at 1130 but.. at 1230 i was stil slping at home.. washed up asap.. n met them for lunch.. they bought mi to the yuki sushi or sth for sushi buffet.. yummi.. i love sushi! hee.. those two kind fellows then paid for my lunch.. and we went shopping around looking for my fren's present.. sadly.. i couldnt find anything nice.. n out of no where.. they pop out a big bag of presents for mi... when i really gong gong tot that they went toilet.. lol.. i really love it.. haha.. and i was stranded there not knowing if i should go off or not.. bcos he stil havent reach home... and originally i was supposed to meet up wif rh.. but i decided to go home anyway..
on the bus ride home.. i felt so suffocating.. i felt that i had to get everything out from bottling all up.. so i called him.. he could sense that there was sth wrong wif mi.. so i told him i realli wanna tok things out wif him.. n the first thing he asked mi, "u dont want mi already ar?" lol..
i went to his place.. tok things wif him.. ok.. we both have our own point of view.. but i guess overall, its meant to benefit each other.. and then i told him i was really uncomfortable that clyn keeps contacting him... i asked him to understand bcos i am not someone whu is unreasonable.. i just feel that she has an ulterior motive..
i told him i felt insecure.. mayb not much trust.. i felt he would just run away at any point of time.. n he shooted back at mi.. he's the one that feels this way.. that any time i would just let go of this r/s.. right...
we talked abt his money issues, clubbing n drinking issues.. all in all, i would say i am an easily satisfied girl.. i felt much more at ease after talking..
spent the night at his place..

Sunday, he went to work super early.. a very last min thing.. so i woke up by myself, watched some bleach then went to vivo with spencer, rh n agnes.. ok.. before that there was some commotion happening betw us.. haha.. the shopping is super big ok.. i went searching for my evening wear.. nth found.. i went searching for my frens' presents.. nth found also.. argh.. we headed back to habourfront for tea break.. lol.. then dear came to join us.. went back to vivo then we all headed down to pasir panjang food centre for seafood.. yummilicious! hehe.. tok tok there.. n its time to go home... ko immediately.. lol...

anyway, think i will reply to all the msgs on my tag box here...
QiuYan: Thanks alot girl.. =) never expected u to tag here.. hee.. yea i know wat u mean.. but mayb cos the feeling's stil there.. i would like to try harder to make it work.. =) *hugz*

Zhen: girl.. thanks.. i received ur msg the other day.. i must say it really brightens my day.. hee.. dont worry i will be ok.. =) *hugz*

Qi: hee.. thanks girl.. ya.. sometimes i just dont feel like saying.. when its time i will tell ya all.. dont worry.. =) *hugz*

Uncle: erm.. i dont know who are u.. lol.. but i will rem ur words.. thanks alot dude.. =) i will definitely stay strong.. *cheers*

Charlene: heee.. thanks.. this week this week okie? msg mi okie.. hehe.. n sentosa this week.. dont forget ! hahaha.. =) love...

i need a break badly... ar...

i feel so frustrated now.. i dont know if i should be saying this.. but i just feel so fed up at work.. mayb i just feel that some ppl there selfish.. to be frank, i feel that i am kinda suay that i ended up partnering with 2 of the seniority colleages in my team.. i hate it when both of them are always out to "fight" with each other.. i am always caught in the middle.. i wont say names.. but i just need to vent my anger..

A always w/o fail pang seh mi at the very last min.. i hated it when its saturdays with her.. cos i know she will always come out with a reason to leave mi alone... and i always have to stay back for ot bcos there will always be samples coming in on sat.. is like i am stil a newbie there n i have only been there for like half a year.. n she can throw mi there alone.. so damn frustrating.. i nearly cried once bcos of her behaviour..

then A and B will always try to pick on each other for god knows wat reasons.. its realli veri irritating.. and bcos i am teamed with A.. all the disapproval abt A from B would always go to mi.. sometimes i feel like i bo tai bo chi tio niam at.. i really veri sick n tired of all these..
argh... i really dont wish that one day i just flare up.. bcos things will be very ugly..

n so.. this week A is in morning shift with bec.. today she suddenly mc... i bet tml she wont come again.. n bec is left alone again.. i just dont understand how come some ppl are so self centered.. it realli wont kill u to just sacrifice ur abit of play time to ensure things go on smoothly at work..


n i totally hate it when my mom complains that why am i always the one being activated for ot.. i just chose to ignore her.. mayb she just dont understand the nature of my job..
but i expected him to be alittle more understanding.. it just turns out disappointing.. i dont like questions like "why is it u again" being thrown at mi.. i think i have really swallowed alot of his things.. his clubbing issues.. his drinking issues.. his money issues.. i just dont wanna kick a big fuss abt all these..
but stil i really cant believe that he didnt plan anything for my bday.. ya.. i know i always said that bday is not a big occasion to mi.. n i know he is really very broke.. but wat i want is just some simple n proper planning.. i dont need expensive dinner or entertainment n i dont mind just staying at home the whole day with him.. in the end.. everything abt tt day was decided by mi.. there wasnt even a small bit slice of cake..
n to think pq, my boss n my colleagues even bothered to get mi.. i know the jeans n jackets are expensive.. i dont want expensive gifts..

its so pitiful to think that i cried myself to slp tt day.. n he doesnt even know abt it.. thanks hur.. really thanks that i wasted my one day of leave to disappoint myself..

mayb i stil cant get over the things he had done.. n i told him directly before that he is just taking things for granted.. in fact, he treats other girls way better than mi.. except mayb he dont lavish expensive gifts on them.. n i stil feels the presence of his ex-gf lingering there.. this is sth that i really hate !!! i hate that he is always being Mr. Nice Guy to her n other girls when he doesnt care abt my feelings at all..

i really cant take it anymore...

Happi bday to myself ! lol...

i had lotsa fun with the union ging gang on sat...
as usual its always lots of fun with them around.. =)
n i got my ck summer from them.. thanks alot ppl.. i love ya all..

nth much to update after tt anyway..
basically.. to be frank.. i felt that i had just wasted my leave today..
needless to say.. i m disappointed..

n i just came to realise about some stuffs.. mayb i am just thinking too much..
but any way i am a year older now.. or i should say i am officially into adult hood.. so just hope my mani years ahead would be smooth sailing.. =)

yeay! i got my adidas jacket!!!

yipeee... hehe... =p

okok shall update more next time lol.. ta!

heee.. long time since i updated.. been busy for the past weeks.. working n working.. however, its always fun if u have good colleagues.. though there are some unhappy incidents but its ok overall. I managed to get peiqi a job in my company! congras girl ! =)

Weekends are mostly spent wif the union ging gang.. lol.. and of cos wif my boy.. he is involved in the imf so whenever our work time table dont crash.. we will make time for each other.. Though we seldom really go out.. but its stil nice and peaceful.. n the other day we went queensway shopping centre.. i saw a white adidas respect jacket with red outline n wordings in the limited ed shop... oh my god.. its so pretty lehz !! i wanna buy... lol

Last weekend was spent at jero's hse with the usual gang..
Ppl there are mi, dear, cw, cindy, jr, spencer, hanz, peiqi, hq, lz, peisun, edward, pu, hc, charlene n of cos, jero n maureen..
its bbq and gathering session at his place..
I talked to lz.. its veri sad to see her suffering in her r/s.. i told her my pt of view and seriously hope that she sort out everything with him..
Afterwards i spoke wif cindy.. lol.. abt rh.. i wont mention anything bcos i promise her i wont say.. just hope everything goes on well for the both of them..
n the rest of the time was bbq-ing and playing xbox haha... as usual soul calibur haha..
then we decided to play some games.. we each have a card saying some actions on our forehead and ppl will try to trick u in doing it.. somewhat like the taiwan game show.. super hilarous ! haha.. and then we started playing the calling of name game n heart attack..

n its drinking time again.. i did not drink much.. cos i was quite tired.. plus dearie had to wake up super early the next day for work.. so i acc him upstairs to slp..

i woke up early the next morning.. n started disturbing ppl.. haha.. i started to draw things on everyone when they are slping.. haha.. after wards we ordered pizza.. slacked a while at his place before mi, cindy n wee went over to jr place for mj.. i am the big loser.. shit.. -_- haha after tt i watched bleach there while waiting for jero n maureen.. and we went to the bedok 85 market for dinner... yummy! chit chat there till 10 plus.. then jero send us all to jr place n mi n cindy took a cab home..

yup.. tts abt all.. lol.. today i am on afternoon shift.. n peiqi is coming to work next week ! i cant wait haha.. but i will be on night shift.. haiz.. shit hahaha..
on a small note, my bday is coming soon n my mom keep bugging with how am i gonna celebrate my 21st.. its irritating ! bcos i dont even have time to think abt it.. n basically i am someone whu cant be bothered abt planning it.. i m irritated man.. lol..

i am back from tioman le !!!

it was a nice get away from sg.. life there was slow paced n stress free.. things there were cheap.. especially the beers.. lol.. its a pity the four of us didnt bring along any cameras.. only had the hp to play around..

Friday was off day for mi.. woke up early and went over to bugis to pray with dear.. after which we went shopping for my bag.. bcos i cant find any bags at home big enough to carry all my stuffs.. went over to dear's place and started packing all my stuffs.. did our assessment.. then we rushed down to SSI..

The trip there was long n boring.. 3 hours of bus trip plus 4 hours of boat ride.. we reached tioman in the wee hours where everyone was soundly aslp.. barely catching 2 hrs' of slp.. we woke up n prepared for our first open water dive ! The first few dives were ok.. bcos basically we were just recapping all the 7 basic skills under water..

the whole day ended around 9 plus.. n we headed for dinner plus our theory test.. lol.. basicalli the instructors just closed both eyes haha..

woke up around 8 plus on sunday.. and we set off for our 3rd and 4th dive.. these 2 dives are considered leisure dives.. thus we got to see alot of things ! its quite scary to see all the sea urchins underneath and on the walls of the jetty.. and we get to feed all the fishes... its so nice to have a large school of them swimming all around u.. heee..

The last dive was interesting.. i saw a cuttlefish.. and clownfish.. on the way up.. i was jellyfishes too !! but its scary.. cos they are poisonous.. and we saw a very very huge jellyfish which look like the Portuguese Man-of-War.. scary.. likely we were all on board already..

We had a quick lunch and headed back to sg.. reached here around 9 plus... i went back to dear's place... and ko...

All in all.. it was a good experience.. though i was disappointed with tioman.. its too commercialised.. not as nice as i expected.. but I do love the feeling underwater.. cant wait to go for another diving trip! hee..

alright.. as promised.. i will try to update more if possible..

work life was as usual hectic.. though i was on afternoon shift the last week.. there were stil plenty of things to be done from the morning shift.. and pre-tests kept coming in.. kinda stress mi up.. but no worries.. i stil can take it !!

after tt previous entry.. i sat down n thought about it for almost a week.. i know its all up to me to maintain this r/s.. bcos right now, i am really able to sense his sincerity in wanting to change.. and all the more i should reciprocate since i decided to give him another chance..

Friday after work i went down to peiqi's place.. mi, spencer, wee, jr and cindy stayed over there.. the next morning spenc n wee accompanied me home to get my stuffs before heading down to lucas' place cos wee wee wanted to get his blades..
we met up wif rh at holland for breakfast before going down.. and i fell aslp at his place..
dinner was at toa payoh's sakura restaurant with my colleagues.. wasnt really tt nice.. after which we went down to orchard for some k-session..
i left halfway to meet up wif char n pax to momo.. so i called him down too.. since he's a frequent there.. But i left early.. cos i was feeling really tired after the non-stop playing..

tt silly boi ran all the way out in a high state.. lol.. somehow the words that he said really melted mi.. alright.. shall not elaborate further..

n sunday was blading at east coast ! i think i am gonna get my own blades next mth.. lol.. everyone in the grp got theirs alreadi! pui!

alright.. happi national day in advance! =)

Its been a long long long time since i finalli sat down in front of the computer and put some updates into my blog..

These few mths are rather busy.. or should i say.. i will be having this kind of lifestyle for some time.. to be frank.. sometimes i just feel that working really make mi drift away from my frens.. i no longer have enough time to meet up wif frens.. bcos most of the time i spend resting.. my work is tiring.. i dont deny it.. But i am happy with my colleagues and my area of work.. in fact i feel that its such a bless to be working there..

On the other hand, things dont seem to be good for mi and him.. or mayb why i like working.. bcos it just takes my mind of him.. I know i have a trust issue with him.. its difficult to even believe in wat he says sometimes.. I have been hurt before, so naturally i will keep my defence up against him.. its sad to say this way.. but its really the truth.

Sometimes just thinking of him makes my heart sour.. I no longer have the beautiful images in my mind.. its polluted with all the unpleasant memories.. So much as i wanna give him another chance, i think my mind just doesnt allow for it.. I talked with one of my colleagues abt wat i am facing.. She's alot way older than mi.. n has definitely more life experience than mi.. all the things she told mi are some wat true..

I just feel all guys cant be trusted..
I am skeptical towards anything to do with them..

long long time since i blogged..

its the busy few weeks of afternoon and night shifts.. i am so suay can.. haiz.. everyone is going redang.. i so wanted to go.. but i just cant.. hiak hiak.. nvm.. i shall go take my driving cert and go driving at different places ! thats even more shiok! haha..

my mom went to hk for holiday today... arghhh... and seriously, i kind of miss her ! well.. i just hope she has fun and just take her mind of all the household stuffs...

ok.. nothing much fantastic abt my life worth mentioning here..
i am just basicalli slogging hard for my frickin company.. and of cos at the same time having fun there.. =)

heee... now i can slack all the way till 3 plus then go work.. how shuang.. haha.. last sat i was called in for work.. n i worked ot wif ah k.. till 5... both of us was so shag out le...

i went home.. barely catching an hour's rest.. went out to meet up wif joanna to brian's place.. played mj wif them.. then brian's fren fetch mi home.. the moment i reached home.. i ko...

sunday was supposed to go blading.. but was cancelled in the end.. beng came over to find mi.. n acc mi to bugis for shopping ! yeay! i bought alot of stuffs.. a dress, 2 tops, a billabong bikini, ear rings and a new purse.. dinner was at fish & co. with jr, wee, peiqi, lingzi, jerm, cindy, edward and peisun.. along the way was photo taking session.. haha.. i think we just went mad over peiqi's camera.. haha...

i think i shall just post some random photos..
at coffee bean..















on the way to fish&co...

at fish & co...

afternoon shift this week... booo... last week wif rebec... haiz... starting 1st of july i wont be having the same shift wif her... oh god.. i m so sad..

everyday was practically fussing over wat to eat for dinner.. haha.. n i think i ate alot of subways this week.. but it stil taste veri nice haha..

my colleagues pop a question for mi..
if there are two guys.. one veri rich with poor character.. one veri poor but with good character.. which one will i choose?
haha.. seriously i dont know.. but they told mi to choose the one that is rich with poor character..
bcos even guys with good character will bound to change.. only money will not change..
omg.. i nearly fainted when i heard their ans.. but somehow or rather its true la.. muahahha..

ytd night after work.. i went down to zouk.. met up wif jr, his fren, wee, peiqi, her fren n lucas outside.. went in to look for rh n his fren.. the music was not bad tt night.. n the crowd was ok.. n we 3 girls managed to get onto the platform.. i was quite turn off by a girl on the platform.. she started to dirty dance wif mi.. -_-

ok... things happened there again.. i felt his hug after these few mths.. i can feel that he is trying to be close to mi.. i admit i am starting to get playful once again.. i know i just wanna go out play.. but nevertheless, i know i stil have feelings for him.. i melted when he hug mi..

went over his place after tt.. cos his place nearer.. n i ko till this morning.. just in time to go to work..

i keep asking myself if i am doing the right thing..
if this r/s really deserve another chance..
i know i am scared to open myself up to him again..
i know i am tired.. too tired to do anything..
but yet.. my heart is stil with him... damn....

lastly.. my ITS colleagues at east coast ! all drenched wet from the rain.. heee..

Long time since i updated.. cant really remember wat i did for the past few weeks..

I was on morning shift for the past week.. nothing really much happened.. But i think basically i was out for the whole week..

Monday was ot for mi..

Tuesday i went to play pool with my colleagues..

Wednesday was also pool with them.. After which, i went down to town to meet up with lingzi and lyn.. ha! always fun meeting wif the girls.. three of us were shopping n gossiping.. after which, we went down to zouk to meet up with rh, wee, peiqi, cindy, lucas n rh's fren.. alright, the crowd sucks tt night.. too many ppl.. no chance to even get on the platform.. it sucks alright.. i slept less than 2 hrs..

Thursday was a tiring day for mi.. but i stil managed to keep myself alive.. haha.. after work i wanted to go home n rest.. but end up i went bugis shopping with peiqi, jr, rh, wee, spenc, hanz n lingzi.. so mani things i wanna buy!! when i get my pay.. i want to go there shopping !! haha.. after which, we went for a drink at breko.. by the time i reach home it was veri veri late alreadi.. i slept less than 4 hrs.. -_-

Friday, i nearly die at work.. cos i was super tired.. supposed to meet up wif the spenc they all.. but i was too tired... went lot 1 to wait for lucas cos i wanted to get the tent from him.. i was walking round in circles n circles.. decided to sit down at the mrt station to wait for him.. n i actualli fell aslp waiting there.. haha.. we went for dinner n he sent mi home..

Saturday was super slack day at work.. haha.. after which, we went down to tiong bahru to meet up wif jane n have our lunch.. macdonalds !! hee.. i love the curly fries.. took a cab down to east coast cos we going there camping !! idiot lo.. thru out the whole thing, it was raining.. n we bo bian had to stay in the tent.. went night cycling wif rebec.. it was so fun! haha..

Sunday.. since it was raining non stop.. we decided to call it off early.. n i had no where to go !! cos spenc they all were coming over in the afternoon to look for mi.. so i called spen n jr waking both of them up.. haha.. end up i went over to jr place n have a shower.. rh and wee came over n we played mj.. then jerm, peiqi, peisun, edward n lucas came over.. slacked till evening time.. then suddenly all so enthu wanna go blade.. so yea.. i went back to east coast again.. faint..
i took a bike.. n we went to the hawker centre to pig out.. simply delicious can !! wheee...

nice week.. but tiring.. my energy is draining out soon haha.... =)

i m sick today agaain...

went to the docs... he said i have low blood...

n the virus attack was worse than before.. i need alot of rest..

but yet.. my mind is running non-stop.. it doesnt allows mi to rest..


whole day chit-chatting wif rh n wee.. although toking to them sometimes make my blood boil.. but its stil nice to have them beside mi.. =)

rh said i am getting more n more petty now a days.. i know myself.. n i think i realli got to change.. he said it could be due to lucas, tts why i behave tt way.. i dont wan to pin point but i think i should curb my temper for my own good..

n recently, although i am able to deliver good results at work.. ppl are saying i always look in a daze.. strange to say.. i am realli concentrating.. but somehow my mind is drifting away.. i have nv experience such things before.. n i think its scary lehz..

i think its time i really take a good rest from everything.. how i wish i can go into isolation mode.. but i just dont have the heart to throw away my mom, frens and colleagues..

sometimes i just feel that life is being unfair to mi.. i know ppl are facing much worse situation than mi.. but then there are ppl who have everything nice n proper in their life.. sometimes i realli feel like giving up.. u know wat tt means.. but often i told myself.. if there's the way it is.. i will face it bravely.. bcos i always believe that there is bound to be rainbow after the rain..

ppl always ask why am i being so positive.. but they nv know that deep within my heart lies alot of knots that are yet to be untied.. i am just waiting for the right guy to come along n tog we can untie all the knots buried within mi..

till then.. i just need a rest properly to recover from all the sickness i am having.. =)

ciaoz

whoo hoo.. i am at home now.. cos i will be on afternoon shift this whole week.. goodie isnt it.. hee.. but stil i woke up so early.. haha..

saturday i was feeling so so down at work after receiving his msg.. i just couldnt take it.. he actualli go look for other girls to upset mi.. i spoke to spenc abt this.. both of us feel the real reason is he just wan a companion.. such a jerk.. i really dont understand how can someone be so selfish.. he onli tot abt his own feelings.. have he ever tot of mine.. n worse.. tt girl...
i sat inside the toilet for some time.. n i broke down.. I really do feel hurt.. I went back n continued my testings.. Rebec said my eyes gave everything away.. she knows i am feeling veri sad..
anyway.. i stayed wif kk for ot... just the two of us.. n we did all the way till 830.. was so tiring..
I took a cab down to suntec to meet up wif them.. went to catch omen.. actualli the show was not bad.. but the ending realli sucks la hur..
went home after the show.. bcos my dad came home.. n the moment i reached home.. everything started again.. he n his nonsense.. his attitude.. we quarreled.. n i totalli dont give him face... bcos i feel he is really another bastard..
after the commotion.. i realli feel so sian.. really have the urge to call him.. but i told myself i should just let go le.. i dont wanna to be seen as too clingy..

Sunday was supposed to go east coast.. but upon reaching bedok it started to rain.. so went over to jr's hse instead.. dinner was at billy bomers.. the cheese fries was heaven lo! jitao yummi like hell.. haha..

went home n tok to spenc, rh..

i just feel that bcos of his previous r/s.. he had already develop a habit of lying.. yes, at the beginning i was quite unhappi when he keep going to chiong.. but tt was bcos there was no limit at all.. but in the end i told myself i should accept it bcos its part of his lifestyle... n yet, he chose to lie to mi again..

n after all this had happened.. he did not even gave mi a resonable explanation.. he just chose to run away n look for other girls.. i cant help thinking right from the start, mayb i was also another plan of his to upset clyn..

i cant help but to feel unfair.. why? bcos everything tt clyn had done to him... he did it on mi.. tempers just thrown anyhow.. impaitence coming out every now n then.. n the best part is i dont know wat the hell is on his mind.. bcos he just closes himself up...

I admit i do at times get unreasonable.. but when i got angry bcos of wat he did... he in turn got angry too without finding out wats the reason first.. n i have to hong him again.. doesnt tt sounds all so familiar? bcos tts wat it was all abt when he was wif clyn.. I am sorry i cant help comparing my r/s wif hers... bcos i feel he treated her a whole lot better than mi.. when everytime he keep saying how much he love mi more than her.. frens also noticed it.. i just find everything bullshit..
ppl are saying i have given him way too much chance.. he just dont know how to appreciate it...

Things are said n always not done.. he wans a girl to commit but yet he himself cant commit.. yes, i know he dote on mi alot.. but to be frank, i onli felt that its all materialized.. he buys mi things that i want.. i dont want tt to be habit.. bcos i dont wan him to think that the emotional needs can be compensated that way.. n true enough.. i realli dont feel close to him emotionally..

he makes mi feel so shallow n low class.. its like right from the start, he just refuses to acknowledge mi infront of the world.. bcos he is afraid of hurting his previous gf's feelings.. but wat abt mine? i am always on second priority..

n tell mi.. when i go over his place to acc him.. he just went out wif his frens n left mi at his place alone.. i seriously dont mind.. but how mani girls can take it.. not much i think.. i think i have alreadi done my part in maintaining the r/s... but all these takes two hands to clap.. i know no one can ever replace him in my heart.. so i am realli not willing to try a new r/s ever again..

secretly i realli hope he was the same old guy tt i fell for again..

i am feeling damn depressed, upset n fucked up now !!

i just feel he is a jerk and bastard..
really am disappointed..

Though i said i let go of everything.. but this is a super big impact on mi..

ppl said i have totally no feelings already..

n i sat down to think abt all this.. its truly tt way..

i dont why all these is happening to mi.. i realli feel like dying soon.. argh !

I ended everything once and for all.. i hate the feeling of being betrayed or cheated or lied or watever u call it.. things that are going on behind my back are finally seeing some light.. n he didnt even take the effort to explain..

i admit i realli stil do have feelings for him.. but at the same time.. i realli hate him for wat he did.. it just seems to mi that he did not even place this r/s of ours in his heart at all.. so i decided its time to end everything..

no draggy stuffs.. since he had alreadi moved on.. i guess i will too.. and i found out that its not as hard as it seems.. mayb cos i was too numb abt wat was going on betw us..

the past few weeks were realli veri fun.. mayb i am just trying to get myself occupied.. i have been out every single day.. returning home just to slp.. n i havent seen my mom for quite some time.. i just dont know how to ans her if she asks..

But i am getting on quite well.. to be honest i think its a long time i have ever felt so carefree and happi.. i love my job.. i love my colleagues.. i love my frens.. i love my mom.. in fact, i feel i am fortunate..

I definitely need some time to take a break n to forget him.. I know i will stil miss him some how or another.. but i just dont wish to see him ever again..

gonna start blogging normally.. no more of all those sad stuffs abt him.. everything shall be deleted away..

I just want to stay happy.. I want to be able to ogle at guys openly.. I want to be able to go dating with different guys.. I want to be able to have time for all my frens..

So no more of him.. or whatever guys tt come along..

I am tired !!! today my department head told mi that starting from next week i will go into the 2 shifts.. all the way till july then change to 3 shifts.. everything's so sudden.. i am kinda freaking out.. bcos i am stil not confident of my testings.. faintz...

yesterday did ot wif muang n kc till 630.. muang was asking mi abt my r/s.. really speechless i dont know how to tell him also.. he veri ji dan de lo !! whole day trying to scare mi.. siao..
After work took mrt wif kc, josephine n muang.. heard sth that was quite shocking.. bwg !!
went down to town to meet up wif jr, spencer n lingzi.. we went to watch xmen.. ok.. mayb cos i was too tired... i fell aslp during the movie.. so basically i just wasted my money la hur !

Today after work i went to check out the aerobics n kick-boxing class that joanne took.. n i so wanna join !! cos i just find the place so homely.. haha.. the ppl there are so friendly.. i wanna stay healthy.. haha..

Anyway, i am starting to get really irritated wif DL aka Dicky.. Can someone tell mi where got ppl as thick skin as him? go around telling ppl i am his gf.... n he can just pull mi into his arms just lidat.. so dotz !! I really started to scold him for no reason.. n i think i am mean to him la.. i really just gave him a straight no for everything he asked...

But i am stil damn irritated can ! grrr...

yeay yeay.. i am back wif updates.. i had a fun filled weekend.. hee..

Thursday
met up wif fang hui after work.. had dinner at subway! so yummilicious.. haha.. some chit chatting session with her.. toking abt uni, jobs..
after which we went shopping ! hehe.. i bought a new top..! hee..
its a great meet up session wif her..
girl.. we shall meet up more often k! hehe.. for shopping too! next week next week ! haha..

Friday
usual day at work.. wang told us we will be starting our shift work at the start of july.. thats like so fast ! so it only means i have only 1 mth to pick up everything.. but fret not! i am clever by nature.. so i can do it de ! haha.. =x
After work.. went over to rh's place and waited for wee n spencer.. we went wala wala for a drink.. n the chicken wings there are so so so yummilicious lo!! shit.. think at the rate i am going i am turning into a fatty pom pom liaoz..
Hanz came over to join us.. but i left rather early bcos i was really veri tired..

Saturday
Inital plan was to go sentosa wif az.. but was cancelled in the end.. so i pig thru out the day..
n i was supposed to go over to crist's place for his bday celebration.. end up also nv go.. cos my mom pulled mi out to the supermarket to help her wif the groceries.. by the time i reached home it was veri veri late le..
I went over to jerm's place.. supposingly to celebrate rh's bday.. but end up we were all playing xbox there.. haha...
i thrash everyone in the soulcalibur !! haha.. especially rh... 14 straight wins... li hai ba!! n the best thing is i win them just by using basic moves.. haha.. they play until bth..
then was drinking session.. but onli for awhile then we left le.. cos its alreadi morning liaoz..

Sunday
came home.. wanted to go running de.. suddenly in the mood for tt.. cos i think everytime when i am feeling veri down.. i just want to sweat myself out so i ko.. in the end i was too tired for it...
slept all the way till 5 plus 6 haha.. got woken up by jr asking mi to meet up for dinner...
but today i decided i shall be a good gal and acc my mom since she cooked my dinner le.. hee.. next week on.. think will do alot of ot liaoz.. booo....


somehow everything feels weird without him by my side.. i miss him alot.. i know in my heart.. no one can ever replace him..
i know he has moved on.. so i will be strong too.. i will move on.. even if it means i will miss him forever..

today is a super tiring day at work... standing all the way.. boo...

supposed to meet up wif rh n wee for a drink... but i was too tired... sorry ar.. lol.. i want my beauty slp... didnt have enough slp for the past few days...

zzzzzzzz...

I really wanna say a big thank you to az.. thanks alot my dear girl.. this morning when i saw her msg.. for the first time i smiled.. love ya! muacks..


today it was stil tt bad.. but i experienced sth that i nv tot i would face.. i think i am beginning to hate him.. mayb i just hate the way he dont reply to sms..i started to tell myself if he wanna disappear like that.. i would do the same.. i would even disappear from rh they all..
i know this is selfish.. but i dont know why i will react this way..


nvm abt that.. anyway today, something major happened at work.. mandy, our lab manager called for an urgent meeting.. she was mentioning abt the whole company's lab quality standards.. Suddenly, i start to question myself if i am really abiding by the quality results.. She said bcos of a small mistake made by a lab analyst, the company might lose one of its important clients.
If that happens, the lab analyst will have to bear full responsibilities for it and will get sacked..

and all a sudden, i just realised that i havent face such things in the past.. to be truthful i felt afraid.. welcome to the harsh realities of the working world.. faintz..

today muang n DL keep imitating mi.. the way i laugh.. the way i respond.. the way i look around.. they said i look so blur and the way i look around is like a squirrel.. qi si wo le.. n i got shoot by benjamin's rubber bands again!
tsk tsk.. i think i got myself into some trouble again.. somehow the feeling DL gave mi isnt veri nice hur.. he keeps calling mi his girlfren and is very touchy towards mi.. always trying to ask mi out n today he wanted to send mi home..
so after work.. i jitao ran away from him.. I m scared la.. just dont wanna get myself into this kind of shit again.. enough of this kind of crap..

i am really really really heartbroken..

lingzi msg mi and i seek her view.. it just did not feel better..

i tot i could be stronger but yet just the slightest memory made my heart ache that i nearly cried at work today..

i cried when i dragged my feet back home.. i must be stronger..

Kai Xin u are such a dumb arse.. u are so stupid.. why must u even cry for him.. Since he did not even reply u, mayb he dont even give a damn abt u... so stop thinking !!!! *slap*

sometimes i really wonder is it wrong to request that i need a rest in a r/s... why must he react tt way... to think i stil tot of how he would feel so i tried to make it not so hurting..

he can actualli say if thats the way i want it.. so be it lo..

i dont understand why he can change so much.. how can he say such a fucked up statement.. it just shows how much he heck care abt this r/s.. and if thats the case, i dont see why i keep trying to improve things..

yesterday i tot about everything.. i admit i stil feel the pain bcos i stil love him alot.. but i just dont know how can he change so much... i just feel that he really treated mi so unfairly..

why he used to treat his ex-gf so nicely... and for mi.. he just take things for granted...

sometimes i really wanna say it into his face that i am not his chu qi tong... he like it, he do wat he wan... he dont like it, he just flare up.. and i have been wondering to myself how mani times i for no reason, become the victim of his anger pangs again..

i always try to be understanding towards him.. bcos i know his work is veri stressful.. but i myself is facing stress at work.. whu the hell come listen to mi and comfort mi...

and i just realise... for the past few mths... the number of times he went out drinking wif his frens is much more than the number of times he went out wif mi... it seems to mi that his frens, his drinking, his clubbing everything else is so much more impt than mi..

i know right now.. he is stil very playful.. he stil wans to enjoy as much as he can.. i did not say much.. i just hope he has his own limits.. but it seems like he doesnt have it.. haiz..

since he cant put his heart into this r/s.. i think its only right i dont tie him down.. i want to leave wif beautiful memories in my heart..

i know i will miss him alot alot.. n i know in my heart i stil hope that one day he will go back to his old self and i stil wish that i will go back into his arms again...

There are many things i wish to buy.. due to the window shopping i had on last friday n saturday.. lol..

I wanna buy those puffed sleeves tee.. they look so cute..

I need to get more skirts and dresses..

I need to get watches bcos all my watches spoil le !!!

I need to get more normal jeans for my work..

I wanna get levis square fit jeans bcos mine got stained by the fuel oil during work.. argh !...

I wanna get the new levis lady jeans.. its so beautiful!

I wanna get more small and handy bags..

Lastly, i wanna get hold of N80 !

ok.. until i get hold of all of tt.. i will be broke by then.. lol..
anyway.. today's mc for mi.. ytd i went home in the mid afternoon cos i was feeling veri unwell.. my stupid boss stil so reluctant to let mi go.. faintz..

ytd night my temperature shot up to 39.4 degrees.. so i went to the doc for the second time.. and mayb bcos of the high temp.. my head feels veri heavy now..

He came over to acc mi to the doc.. After dinner, i watched "so u think u can dance" n he just fell aslp.. before he left.. he was complaining that its veri hot.. n his reaction wasnt veri nice.. i got alittle upset by it.. but i just kept quiet.. mainly bcos i wasnt feeling well and i desperately wanted to go to bed..

i had a real fun filled weekends... but then again.. i fell sick again.. and this time i really felt weak.. i was so afraid i wouldnt be able to go work tml.. i dont wanna take mc..

ok.. i cant rem wat i was doing from monday to wednesday.. think i met up wif him.. oh well.. thursday after work.. i went down to momo wif ahgong n gb.. been so long since i went to club.. it was fun.. but sickening at the same time bcos of some bloody guys.. n guess who i saw there..

him...

right.. i dont wanna mention the details anymore.. cos its really no point.. wat i dont understand is such a simple thing he cant even do.. and everything is back to square one again.. he looked very shock to see mi there.. a msg saying sorry was sent to mi.. i ought to be angry but i wasnt at all...

instead i was very hurt.. hurt so badly that it didnt matter to me anymore.. he sort of reach my max.. 1 more silly stuff.. everything will be gone..

i went home feeling so fucked up.. i began to think abt everything betw us.. from frens till now.. i have only one thing to say.. all guys are jerks.. when they are chasing after u.. they can treat u so good.. after all that.. they just dont give a damn..

friday i went sentosa with charlene.. was stil thinking if i should go.. bcos i was on standby.. anytime i could get call back to work.. but anyway i stil went.. i badly needed some break from my life..
after tt we went to meet hanz, puwen, spencer and hc at town..
we went to watch mi3 at the grand cathy!! yipee.. haha.. actually i was supposed to watch wif him.. but i just felt i should just heck care abt him le.. i really couldnt be bothered..

sat i went to work.. and my colleagues were like psycho-ing mi to go play mj wif them.. so dotz.. -_- i went to je swimming complex wif puwen after that.. supposingly got alot ppl de.. in the end only the 2 of us.. we tok abt everything.. but mostly on my problems..
at the end of day i was telling myself i shouldnt be so bad.. i should just forgive him.. so i went over his place despite the fact that i knew he will be working late..

i waited till 1 plus 2 am.. at that moment of time i was feverish already.. so i went to rest.. thru out the night.. i kept waking up to see if he's back.. and i just cant help but to think i am really damn stupid.. i keep questioning myself why am i caring so much for him.. i find myself saying its all not worth it anymore..

he came back at around 7 plus 8 in the morning.. telling mi he's veri tired from work and his stomach is not feeling well.. the first tot that came into my mind wasnt abt his well-being.. but whether i should believe in wat he said.. i really dont know.. should i trust him or not..

but i was really too sick to think abt all that.. i went back to slp.. went home early noon.. bcos at tt moment he really felt like a stranger to mi.. its so weird... nth mentioned abt thursday.. yes, he did explained on e sms.. but so wat.. just a few words can gain back my trust? i dont think so..

hmmm... mayb once i have fully recovered.. i will have to start thinking abt all these..

erm.. i dont know wat to blog about..
basically i have been working n working.. but its really alot of fun.. my colleagues really make mi forget all the worries weighing mi down.. and suddenly there, i am being so doted upon.. although they always bully mi.. but they also make sure i dont get into trouble.. ha!

i have nth much to update actually.. cos i dont know where to start from.. i think i should start worrying for my future.. e other time jr just analysed for mi the pro and cons of obtaining a degree.. i am stil thinking abt it.. but i know if i wanna continue my studies.. i will have to let go of something..

people change with time, dont they
and yet they cant see it for themself..

haiz..

i started my new job...

i really have to say this... its frickin damn stress ! argh...

but its a great learning experience.. cos i really learn alot of things ! hehe..

so much so.. i am still tired.. whole day busy w/o time to grab a short break too..

TIRED !!!!!!!!!!!!! zzzzzzzz

i am siao !!!!!!!!!!

blah blah blah blah blah.....

i wan to eat alot of things...

i wan to sing songs...

i wan to dance till i drop..

i wan to ride bicycle till my legs go wrobbling..

i wan to sit by the beach watching the sun rises and sets all day..

i wan to sleep all day long..

i wan to fight with someone... haha..

i wan to do everything!!

i am siao!!

After tt horrifying weekend, i was really in a totally stone and bad mood on monday.. i kept myself busy doing all sorts of things.. i went home n pig through the night cos i figured it would be the best thing to do anyway..

tuesday was much better after the long slp.. after work i met up wif rh, cindy, agnes, wee, spencer and jianling to holland v..

i stil tot i would be able to meet dear on wed.. but he's tired.. ok.. i really tried to understand his situation, which i did.. so i went home.. i tot about everything.. i guess i am the only person who can be there for myself if i need any help or any comfort.. sometimes i feel i need to treat myself a little more better.. why do i always think about others first.. why i can sacrifice slp time just to see him.. i think i am really being so stupid.. i really need to think more for myself.. it might sounds selfish.. but there's the way life is isnt it? blah!

yesterday i meet him for dinner.. then we went over to meet up with spencer, rh and wee.. i think next time i shall go alone to meet them instead.. he seems so bored.. cant even sit still to listen wat they saying like last time.. mayb cindy was right.. mayb all of them were right.. he really changed le.. i dont know how to say how he's changed.. i feel so disheartened.. i just dont wish to say anymore.. so i kept quiet..

what happens when u are utterly depressed?

even the slightest thing can make u go nuts..

and even i cant contact dear.. i start to feel more depress.. that i started thinking about everything.. and its more towards the negative path..

it just dawn upon mi that fate is always not on mi and dear's side.. whenever something really terrible hit mi.. he is always just right not around.. ya.. like wat he say.. how is he supposed to know if i dont say.. but it so happened whenever i wanted to call n just share my things.. he just happen not to be there...

all these while.. i have been picking myself up after all these shits.. n i keep questioning myself why must all these happen to me..

and it brings mi to another point that either he doesnt really understand mi.. or he doesnt know how to tackle mi when i am feeling down.. or mayb i have already close myself up...

i have been crying the whole day.. can i learn to adopt a dont-care attitude about everything? plz tell mi how to..

i realli hate him

i realli hate him to the core !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have nv hate someone that i realli wish he will drop dead right now....

i hate the fact that he thinks he contributed so much in this family.. but in actual fact he did not...

all he bought to us was misery... hurt....

i wish i had the power to control ppl... n i will make him die...

no one can ever understand how i feel... ppl may say i am not filial.. but no one can understand why i hate him so much... i just feel the pressure coming down on mi... i just wish everything will end soon...

i realli dont know how long i can take it..

why are other ppl's father so caring... so loving.. so thoughtful.. n yet he so bastard.. i just dont it... bcos of him.. i realli gradually hate staying in this place..

even he onli comes back dont know like once a mth.. i just cant stand the look of him...

dont he have at least some liang xin in him... after all the bad he did...

dont he ever know how to repent in stead of causing of making everything worse..

after everything my mom has done... after mi and my mom paid for his fucking debts.. till i have no money now ! he stil got the cheeks to say mi and my brother are useless...

FUCK HIM.... i seriously hope u go to hell now.. n i mean every single word i say... i dont care if u read this...
come thrash things out with mi like a man la..... i will see wat stupid reasonings u have got to say.....

i am crying real real badly now... i dont know why.. i think i feel realli veri hurt now...

in the end i did not went to zouk.. i went to spenc hse for mj with wee n cindy.. cos all of us was off on thursday ! hehe..

whole night of no slp... i went to my agency in the morning.. n had a nice chat with serene.. after which i went home to take a rest.. n got woken up by dear's call.. so i went over his place to slp again.. lol.. at night.. he brought mi to a place to eat crabs !!! omg.. super delicious can!

friday was working finally after so mani days.. after work i went dinner with char at holland's xo fish noodle stall.. n we caught up wif each other.. then i went off to meet rh and cindy.. off to spencer's hse we go.. for mj again..

mi rh and cindy left early in the morning.. i went home took a veri short nap.. n went off to meet dear to acc him to work.. in the end its raining.. so i went back his place to slp.. before going to meet spencer they all..
was a simple dinner.. and talking session at paulaner with beng spencer and weiling.. hee..

ignore tt previous post.. its just for venting reasons.. i stil love my brother.. lol..

right now.. i am fucking pissed off...

i am seriously wondering what the hell is wrong with the people of this world..

just a few months ago, my brother out of kindness gave his personal particular to his fren to sign up a mobile plan.. (ok, i have to admit he is dumb also la!) his this bloody fren chalked up a total of 2k plus phone bill... billed to our residential address.. and today.. its stil not settled yet..

I dont know how the hell he used so much in a month.. but tt asshole refused to pay up till now... when my mom called, he just decided to stop using tt line... n sign up another line using my bro's particular again!

toking about trust abusing.. i am so damn pissed off... and now he chalked up another 200 plus of phone bills.. when my mom called him just now.. upon hearing wat my mom was going to say, he hung up immediately... FUCKING COWARD CAN !!

argh... why do stupid things always happen within this family.... i had enough ! enough is enough... i just feel like shouting till my voice breaks now... grrrr...

ooo.. i am on mc today again.. infection again.. boooz..

last thursday was dinner at chinatown with jr, cindy, apple, rh, wee, spencer.. n it so happened that the next day all of us except wee were off.. so decided to play mj overnight at spencer's place.. I was thinking of dropping by dear's place to bath before heading over to spencer's hse.. but since dear finish his ops, i decided to accompany him.. so i went over his place.. hee..

Friday went for my eye checkup.. everything was ok le ! n went to meet jr, cindy, shihong, rh, hanwei, beng, victoria and spencer for dinner at orchard.. wanted to go alley bar after that but it was packed ! so we went over to a pub that victoria recommend de... its like that worst pub i ever been to.. can u imagine almost all of the people that are younger than us.. and their singing totalli sucks ! omg..

Saturday was out to sentosa with elaine.. n after which was shopping for both of us.. before i went to meet rh, wee, beng, jr, cindy, lingzi and agnes for ice age 2... beng, wee and rh treated mi.. hee.. thanks! tt show is damn funni.. tt stupid rat is like so idiotic! afterwhich mi, beng , wee and lingzi went down sch for the gl prep camp.. actualli basically there i was editing my blogskin with the help from charlene ! thanks alot girl !

Sunday early in the morning i pop by dear's place.. n fell aslp there till late afternoon.. -_- we went town shopping and i watch ice age with him again.. lol.. stil entertaining after the second time.. hee..

Monday was usual working day.. boring in fact.. whole day diff ppl tried to convince me to stay.. but i just couldnt be bothered.. lol..

Yesterday was half day for mi.. bcos i felt so bored.. lol.. dear also released early! so i went over his place to take an afternoon nap.. lol.. after tt we went to suntec for steamboat buffet.. cos i was so craving it !! lol.. we went to search for his dad's present bcos its his birthday.. after which home sweet home.. =)

right now i am deciding if i should go zouk tonight.. its been frickin long time since i went clubbing.. sheez.. argghh i wanna slp lo.. tata..

friday slacking session at starbucks.. wee and jr was so psyche about playing mahjong.. and they were thinking about whose hse to go too.. in the end settled for jr's hse on saturday morning..

can u believe, i actualli woke up at 830 !! just to go over to jr's place.. at the split second i woke up, i was thinking what the hell am i doing? why did i get myself psycho for doing sth so ridiculous.. haha..

nevertheless i stil woke up in time to meet rh.. bought breakfast cum lunch for wee and jr.. i played till cindy and beng came before leaving to dear's place to accompany him..

and yes, i talked to him.. he said he will do his best to open himself up.. i am afraid that history repeats itself again.. we went over to spencer's hotel room for his bday celebration in the evening..

went to watch "failure to launch" on sunday.. veri nice show.. hehe.. a show suitable for couples.. lol

On monday, dinner at sakae with dear at tiong bahru.. lol.. he super bth mi tt day.. cos i dont know why i was talking non-stop.. even when i said i wanted to keep quiet.. i stil said alot of things before i shut up..

Today another usual day.. rh n wee said in another 2 mths, the same thing will repeat itself again.. tts the frequency of it happening in the past.. how? i asked myself this.. everytime i said its the last time i am going to let it happen.. but somehow its always not the case.. I am just wondering how mani last times.. they say i am veri soft hearted.. i have no choice but to agree..

I found myself asking why do i have a soft spot for him?
I dont go back when i said i wanted to let go.. but for him i did it..
There are things that i really cant accept, but for him i accept it..
This is so weird.. so weird..

Mayb this is wat u call love..
everything's so weird about it..
I just dont understand.. zzzz""

I have been going thru emotional spells.. and right now when i am supposed to be slping... i just cant slp..

I dont know what am i gonna write.. but i feel so lost..

a quick update..
tuesday
went to paulaner with jr and spencer.. just some drinking and chilling out session.. hilarous.. the band was great.. yet.. i feel so down..
wednesday
to the balcony with spencer, rh n lucas.. ya.. drinking n chilling out session again.. feeling very down.. yet no one notices it..
thursday
to duxton blue with dillon, wee, rh, spencer, cindy, agnes, lucas, beng, his frenz.. feeling super down.. i just sat quietly there not interacting with anyone..
i broke down n spilled everything to him over the phone.. i told him wat i feel.. or rather part of it.. it was a terrible day.. we decided to talk things out on Sunday after his ops..

today.. (fri)
i had a quarrel with the boss.. n i tendered my resignation letter.. everyone was asking mi to stay.. but i find no future staying there..
i admit i was crying in office.. not bcos of work.. but i feel helpless n lost..
like wat i told cs.. i realli feel so contradicting.. on one hand, i feel like giving up.. but on the other hand, i just cant bear to let it go..
This is one of the greatest challenges that i will be facing.. can anyone just tell me how do i get him to open up to ppl around him...
Bcos of this, there's a communication barrier betw us.. and its not good, its not healthy.. it cause me to feel insecure bcos i really know nth abt him..
I told myself, it doesnt matter if in the end he hates mi, but i will get him to open up.. for his own good..
I want him to be happi.. I want to be there to know his problems.. I want to share my things with him.. I want him to share his things with mi..

I tot that he wont contact me these few days due to his ops..
So u can imagine how surprise i am to receive his call.. ya, i am happy he called.. just sth so simple can brighten up my day..
But wat he told mi really broke my heart... he told mi he hurt himself while playing soccer.. there was a very deep cut on his forehead.. and he had to go to the hospital for stitches..
I nearly cried.. on the verge to.. I was worried sick for him.. it was then i know deep in my heart i would not let him go.. unless he chose to let go..

I rushed down to his place after work when i am supposed to meet up with rh and all.. bought dinner for him and took a look at his wound..
My heart really aches for him.. I really wanna hug him but yet i tried my best to keep myself away from him..
Dress his wound and apply lotion before rushing down to holland v to meet up wif jr beng rh and wee..

chill out at starbucks.. i called him.. but i feel weird.. he's cold towards mi.. sometimes i really dont understand him.. one moment hot the next cold.. haiz..

i think i have been a bad girl this past week... i was out for all days except monday...

Monday was just going work and home...

Tuesday was out wif lingzi to jp for dinner and some chit chat session.. was usual more craps came out.. she always keeps me laughing...

Wednesday was out with dear.. to ikea... shopping n looking around...

Thursday was out with gb and ahgong.. to causeway for dinner.. both of them are like so dead.. -_-

Friday was off day.. i went to sign my appointment letter with my new company.. =) n i met 2 of my future colleagues, joanne and shirleen.. we went for medical check-up tog... To be frank i really was quite pissed by their obnoxious behaviour.. they are really so spoilt... keep complaining to me that their current company is much better blah blah blah.. say no high pay they feel kanna cheated..
Mayb its just me who thinks differently.. I just wanna gain as much experience in this industry.. I dont really care about the pay.. tsktsk..
After that was dinner at holland v...

Saturday was sentosa outing. i really wanna complain liaoz... i call jr and part time till i was late... haha.. only mi and wee managed to wake up in time.. and we started calling everyone.. to our dismay everyone was like ko... in the end mi spencer and wee went there first...
the two guys was like suntaning there... so i started disturbing them.. tickling them n throwing sand at them.. haha..
then jr and dear came along.. the sun was frickin hot tt day...
after that was dinner at lau pa sat... i think the 4 of us, jr mi dear n spencer realli ordered too much !.. faint.. we had lala, stringray, kai lan, oyster egg, crayfish, 2 soups, satay..
after dinner mi jr and cindy went to spencer place to play mj... played all the way till 4 plus 5 in the morning..

Sunday.. went over to dear's place immediately after the end of mj session cos he also just finish his ops... both of us ko all the way till 3 plus.. n went town for shopping... had dinner at sushi tei wif jr n cindy... then both of us went to catch V for vendetta...
I think the show is so F*cking fabulous.. n believe it or not.. I am so in love with the male lead.. though he is just a masked figure... but i just find him so intriguing.. so charming... i will definitely melt if he recites one of those intelligent literature works to me.. i know i know.. i am nuts.. i have a soft spot for such ppl k.. haha..

Anyway.. today was slacking at work.. was thinking about alot alot alot of things.. and i really dont know why tears just fell.. no no i am not suffering from depression.. haha.. i just merely tot about wats going on and i felt sad.. i just suddenly feel its so hard to please the ones u hold dear to your heart.. its so hard to strike a balance.. i know things have changed and no, i am not being paranoid or overly sensitive.. i can no longer trust as i used to.. i no longer feel secure.. and like it or not, i am beginning to close myself up... and there will be many things or emotions i will hiding le...

ok.. after work i went scouting around for V3x and N6280.. i am in dilemna as to which phone is nicer.. i am in love with both phones.. anyone give mi comments? pls pls.. desperately need some comments...

weekend was bad... i had a dispute with dear again.. seriously am quite sick of it le...

fri was ktv at orchard partyworld.. before that was dinner with jr, wee, rh n cindy at jack's place.. Met up wif zj, jerm and dear for k session.. He bought me eclairs... =) went over his place cos i am heading to sentosa the next day...

Sat was tanning session with charlene ! hehe.. bought our breakfast at delifrance n headed in.. The sun was hot so we were there for only 1 to 2 hours.. hee..
headed down town wif her.. went shopping.. I received Dear's call saying he's meeting up with his frenz to the IT show.. I was fine with it so i told him to go ahead n would meet up wif him after my class's gathering.. n he was like meet him for wat.. i admit i was puzzled.. bcos previously when i told him i am going for my class gathering, i asked if he wanted me to go over to acc him after tt.. n he said yes... yup.. n so i was speechless for a few seconds b4 telling him tt..
well well.. i tot mayb he wanna go out wif his frens.. so i told him to go ahead... i can always head home to rest.. no problem for mi at all..
n thats when everything started.. he started getting irritated n the attitude came out again.. i was like "Wat the hell"

n so after tt espisode.. he wanted to meet me.. But this whole incident left mi feeling veri veri down.. i went to kfc to have lunch with hc n charlene.. n there's a point when my eyes just started getting teary.. he called n apologized.. i told him to go meet up with his frens.. reason being that i just dont feel like seeing anyone tt day.. n he got frustrated again.. telling mi that his frens did not include him in their program le..
but in the end we stil decided to meet up.. ya i know.. so lame...

went to taka with hc n charlene to the creativity level.. i went to search for some inspirations on wat to do for him... but as i walked on.. i became more n more sad... i just feel so unfair n pointless.. dumb dumb called n comforted mi... i was even crying at one point..

went to meet him at city hall to go to the IT fair.. i was still feeling veri hurt.. but i just hide everything inside.. i did manage to cheer myself up abit... we walked around.. he bought a web cam and a photo printer..
had dinner at thai express and went back his place.. I was too tired to do anything... mayb mentally tired too.. i just wan to rest.. so i ko there..

Sunday was mj session at jr's place.. luck was on my side.. till a point where i felt so guilty when ever i win.. so i just diam diam there.. lol.. plus i was feeling veri tired...

why cant i even get a proper answer n not some frustrated tone... i dont see that his frens get this kind of shit when they talk to him.. i so had the urge to say it in his face that i am ur gf.. someone with feelings.. not something for you to vent ur anger on.. but yet i did not.. i just cant bear to do tt..
Suddenly i realised.. this kind of thing has been happening rather frequently.. i really dont know how much longer i can take it though...
But i seriously hope that he wont go over my limit.. bcos i really dont know wat i can do...

i shall keep tt previous post to myself n not post it out... i just feel that sometimes the human mouth can be so terrifying.. so... no more of my personal tots here.... i gonna keep it all private...

took the day off... n met up wif beng after my interview... short chit chatting session at tcc.. i did tell him my opinion on someone.. names shall not be mentioned.. playing arcade wif beng... lol... i wanna play more !!!

but dear was hungry so we went for dinner... lingzi n lyn came over to find us... been so long since i saw them !!! lingzi is so blur can !! she can walk infront of us n call beng ask where are we... i laugh till bth..

after wards was pool session at sg shopping centre.. mi n lingzi catch up wif each other.. i told her sth thats deep buried within my heart... not even a single soul on earth knows abt it.. yup.. i told her... n surprisingly she felt the same way as i do.. pengz... n now i told charlene abt it.. she also felt the same way as us... how is it possible? mayb that someone really doesnt have a character... ok i should not be bad..

anyway.. after toking to lingzi.. i felt something that i tried to keep within my heart... something that i am not willing to face up to... something that keeps bothering mi every now n then... but i guess its time i face up to reality.. i was supposed to meet up wif rh n wee today.. i wanted to tok to them abt how i feel...but both are not free last min..

i wanna tok to lingzi... i m so sorry girl.. for the first time i felt regretful that i did not take care of my eyes.. resulting in being ban from clubbing for a few mths... n bcos of it.. i cant be there to listen to her cos they are going zouk tonight... haiz... i feel so bad...

be strong girl.. =) n i feel girls whu throw themselves at guys are such a disgrace...

Thursday
work as usual nth special.. rushing off to meet up wif dear at tiong bahru for movie... caught underworld.. damn cool show.. the lead actress just nv fails to amaze me with her beauty.. she's so hot..! overall nice story plot.. u guys should watch it... went to queensway for stringray n lala.. cos he's craving for it.. haha..
n we waited for damn long for a stupid cab.. there's this couple whu had the cheeks to just stand in front of us to steal cab... i did something real funni.. i kinda "shouted" at them.. buey zi dong.. cab stealers.. haha..

Friday
met up wif ahgong for dinner at siam kitchen !! finalli my craving for thai food.. haha.. but not to my expectation.. i still prefer thaiexpress.. kl came while we were eating.. after which met up wif gb n sw... played arcade n went to mac to wait for our show to start...
caught final destination 3... the show is damn gross lo.... each time the person die i was like so speechless that the person could die like that.. ewwwksz...totalli horrible ! but the suspense is stil there so i would say not a bad show...

Saturday
met up wif cs at sim lim.. tt crazy guy wanna buy psp.. so damn ex lo.. then i went to pray n got myself a crystal bracelet.. we went icon to take a look... nth much there.. mayb cos there's not much ppl.. the whole building is kind of dead.. went for lunch at billy bomber... n we went over kiat's place... he bought mi an adidas slipper and a pair of ear rings from taiwan... they are realli veri nice.. =) thanks ar..
jona, hc, bao n kiat were playing mj.. haha.. i helped jona play.. n lost his money.. haha... after awhile went for dinner at suntec with ky, his girl, dear... ky came fetch mi and shui bian lobang hc.. god damn it lo... took almost like an hour to find a stupid parking lot.. we even switched to different places to find.. everywhere is full!!! faint..
n i have to admit i am realli totalli not in best of mood.. i was quite pissed off by dear tt day.. early morning he gave mi attitude when i tried to speak properly with him.. ya though i know e reason.. but stil its realli not my fault... so i just try to put myself in his shoes.. n he gave mi attitude again when he waited for a long time for the three of us.. realli.. its not my fault again... how am i supposed to know there's no parking lot...
i think i am realli on the verge of crying cos i was so frickin mad.. i realli just feel like stepping out of ky's car n just go home...
ky suggested that he drop mi off first while they two go search for a lot.. i figured that there's the best solution.. so yea..
when i met up wif him.. i tried to explain to him.. so i really cannot be bothered if he understands or not...
after dinner.. ky n his girl went off.. while mi and dear went to ktv cos he wanna sing song.. so anything lo.. wanted to go home after tt cos i am meeting elaine the next day.. but ya.. he wanted to spend more time wif mi.. so i went over his place lo...

Sunday
msg elaine saying i not meeting up wif her.. cos i was realli too tired.. n slept all the way to 12 plus 1.. dear was supposed to meet up wif zj at 1.. n he was veri late.. so i think he's very pissed off with himself.. i dont know how to handle him.. so i just diam diam n called zj to inform him..
after that he went work n i went home to take a rest...
i am actualli quite affected by saturday's incident.. i just feel so unfair.. n the saddest part.. not even a sorry has been said.. mayb he doesnt know he reacted tt way.. n i just dont wish to say.. n how come i have the feeling that i am being taken for granted again... tired... i feel damn fucked up...

mi and my big mouth again... dotz...

monday i went over my dear's place after work.. n just bcos i jokingly mentioned on sunday night that i would love him to cook for mi... he decided to cook dinner for mi... faintz... n bcos of some stuffs.. he got realli irritated... to be frank.. i am still not used to his temper... so i just stand there like a tootz.. not knowing how to react.. lolx.. i just chose to ignore it... haha...

anyway.. i was flipping the papers n doing some search online about scholarships... from various companies.. but i am still in a blur as to wat i should do... should i just work hard from the bottom n try to break into the oil industry... or should i just apply the scholarship n mug for exams which is a killer for a lazy person like mi.. i am realli in a dilemna.. haiz... pls show me some direction...

n.. i wan wan wan wan to watch final destination3 !!!! i so wanna watch it veri much...!!! ahgong gb.... i wanna watch haha...

these few days are just working n working.. today i am craving for fries... hehe... i dont know why... n i am craving for thai food !!!! i wanna eat thai food !!!!

some updates... this week finally back to work... work sucks as usual... n i went for interview at Schering-Plough on thursday... i seriously hope to get it.. but i think i might be disappointed.. sad...

fri was out wif gb and ahgong.. lol.. afternoon was so craving for kfc...! so i msg them wanna go out eat kfc ltr? hahaha... think both of them think i so ridiculous.. haha...
But anyway, still met up wif them.. went to lot 1.. and the three of us finished the fortune meal lehz !!! haha.. i think i was super craving for it that i ate alot.. ops..
went to play arcade wif them.. played the basketball thingy.. kaoz.. ppl is throw till hand tired.. i stand till tired.. cos i too short!! got to tip toe... pengz... after which was ktv session... finally !!!! after dont know how mani mths of not singing... jitao super fun... lol... i stil cant believe that i cant reach the girl's part for shan hu hai... i cant believe it !! haha... si gb stil keep replaying the song to gek mi... zhu tou...
i am so in love wif jay's new songs !!! especially the shou ji lang man... or lang man shou ji.. cant rem.. ha
sang all the way till 2 n they send mi home in a cab.. zzzzz... tired!

sat n sunday was spend wif dear... he came over for lunch on sat cos my mama cooking... my fav soup! after which went over his place... cant go anywhere cos he's on mc.. poor thing... tsk tsk..
we cooked spragetti for dinner... actualli is he cook la.. haha.. cos just right hc call mi.. when i finish talking to him.. he also almost done.. muahaha... =x
n i wan to complain!! why the bed so big... pian pian must squeeze mi into a corner until i no place to slp.... so i was dead tired today... lolz... actualli was intending to go east coast cycle... but i am tired to go anywhere.... so just zzzzzzz the whole day.... lol...
went home early... cos got no money to take cab le... super broke... wanted to ask him go walk walk... but in the end decided better not... cos i think he also broke bcos of his v day gift to mi.... seee.... mi n my big mouth... tsk...

to all contact lens user all there........ boycott Renu solution !!! lolz.....

wee wee told mi he saw on the newspaper that out of 22 people whu got eye infection... 21 of them are using renu....

see see see see see see !!! i knew it !!!!
previously when i am using solocare no such problems de... though there's no scientific proof la... but it must be it !!!!!!!

boycott boycott !!!!!....

I am on mc all the way till monday ! wooohooo... but stil.. i cant go out.. so its equal to nothing...

yesterday.. my dear came over n acc mi to my eye check up... i was told gladly by the doc that my eyes are recovering fast.. but yea.. got to face the fact that my eyesight will be affected.. haiz.. serve mi right for being so lazy.. for taking my eyes for granted..

after which both of us da bao kfc home to eat.. n took a short afternoon nap.. tsk.. could realli feel my eyes getting more in need of rest le.. it gets tired realli easily.. totalli sucks..

he woke up n prepare to go wedding dinner.. while i continued to slack at home.. lol..stayed up waiting for him.. had to take his bag down for him cos he going back camp...

today is slping day again.. funni.. i slept so long n yet i stil feel tired.. dear came over to acc mi after his work... took an afternoon nap n went out for dinner...
got scolded by him.. just bcos i asked if i could join him n jr they all at alley bar... kinda shocked cos he jitao scolded mi so fierce... n he was angry bcos i dont know how to take care of myself.. ok i know he meant good.. so i diam diam liao lo..
went ntuc bought things to munch at home... hee... n his rashes came back again... he veri pek cek... i also dont know wat to do.. faints.. so i just diam diam lo.... lol...
haiz... i am ban from going out this whole week.. i cant believe it !!! faintz... diam diam lo... lol

ok.. i think i am quite bored la.. so i decided to write abt something... just a few weeks back.. one of my frenz broke up wif her bf... n the reason being bcos she cant see any future wif tt guy...
I am sure alot of ppl come across this situation.. I myself have been thru this transition stage... I think alot of girls think its kinda cool to say that when u break up with tt guy.. but honestly.. it is so not...
on the contrary.. i think its damn dumb to say tt.... n its veri unfair... ok.. i think i am referring to myself at times.. lol.. yes.. i do admit sometimes i cant see the future with him.. mayb sometimes i feel that he's not gonna be there for me in the future.. i dont know.. realli mayb its just due to me feeling insecure tts all.. but anyway.. i figure it all out... yes its totalli unfair to the other party... bcos ppl do change as time goes by.. so how do u know for sure wats gonna happen in the future? just bcos at present there are somethings that u cant stand abt the other party and u just put him on death sentence.. who knows mayb as the two of you walk down this long journey.. he turns out to be ur prince charming? crapz..

ok.. i m stil quite bored... well.. was talking to charlene just now... and i was telling her... i realli kinda think lucas spoils mi too much le... things he got for mi are always so expensive... the amount of money he spent on mi is way beyond my imagination.. n u know wat.. it totalli make mi damn guilty... bcos i am not the sort of girl whu enjoys ppl pampering mi.. especially spending a large sum of money on mi.. i feel so guilty.. damn.. cant do anything abt it? so much i wanted to spoil him back.. but well.. i m relatively poor in tt sense.. but i guess thats how it is ba? cos if i have the money.. i will pamper him too.. lol..
someone told mi once i am a typical libra... i always have the tendency to give in to others... n when i asked him wat the hell he meant... lol.. he told mi i give in too much... n he has nv seen anyone as understanding as mi...

see tt as a compliment? i kinda think he's being rude..
I mean whu the heck in the world would want to pick up an argument with ur partner anyhow... of cos i will give in if i feel i have nth to lose... its just taking a step back muh.. wats so difficult about that.. n by doing so.. reduces another quarrel... so everyone's happi at the end of the day lo...
cant understand how some ppl think at times..... it doesnt hurt to give in alittle more at times to make the other person happi.. especially when the person's someone dear to your heart right? =)

ok... time for mi to rest my eyes... heee...

a'right gonna update about whats going on 14th of Feb... I have only one thing to say.. I am really so touched by wat my dear planned.. its the first valentine's day i spent with him n truly it was the best valentine's day for me..

The day started with me having a check up with the eye doctor and i was praying so damn hard that i can be discharge.. bcos i know dear planned n spent alot.. all would go to waste if i cant go home..

n yes.. the doc allow me to go home.. god bless him!! =)

went home to take a rest.. he came over my place in the afternoon... n.. i had the first surprise of the day... he got mi one of my fav flowers.. white roses !!.. a dozen of them wrapped in a pretty lavendar paper with a sweet "i love u" heart cushion pinned at the neck of the bouquet..

n tt silly boi got mi to close my eyes while he put on a necklace for mi... i jumped with joy when i saw tt... its citigems !!! my first citigems from him... just cos i once mentioned that i realli love citigems... n its realli pretty.. tts my second surprise.. so sad i cant give him his present.. but i will finish it up quick after my eyes recover.. =)

after which he tuck mi in bed to have a rest before heading for our dinner.. n he fell aslp too.. lol..

guess where he brought mi to?

The night safari !!! hee.. he booked the gourmet express valentine's day dinner... its a 5 course meal on a tram...it takes u round the park..
(actualli i alreadi knew tt he might take mi on this.. cos i saw it on a newspaper or mag.. but dont ask mi how i know.. i just had this instinct.. shhhhh... he doesnt know ha)
but stil its a veri nice experience bcos its the first time both of us tried it.. definitely something kept in my memory forever..
the day ends with a night show... short n nice !

n its home sweet home.. =) i dont know wat to say.. but i think girls out there would think i am veri xin fu... ya.. i realli am.. ^-^ i know he cares alot for mi cos he keeps asking hows my eyes thru out the night n he wants mi to go home to rest as soon as the show ends..

i know i am a veri careless n stupid girl whu always get myself into shits.. got to buck up Miss Khoo ! n i nearly spoilt his valentine's day if i cant discharge.. I realli can be such a kutu at times.. n i have been falling sick like 4 to 5 times in these 2 mths..

up till now i stil cant believe i have him by my side.. its like too good to be true eh.. thanks dear for everything.. =)

I am a happi ger.. yipee ! photos up as soon as i get them from my dear..

ok.. though i seldom say this to him... but Dear.. i realli love u veri much.. =)

booo... I was hospitalized for the past few days... -_-
actualli its all my fault.. cos i didnt take good care of my eyes...

had some serious eye infection n i had to put eye drops every hour.. even when i am aslp... so i am extremely tired... -_-zzzzz

everyday was just slping there cos i just couldnt do anything.. couldnt open my eyes at all.. when it got alittle better i was dying to finish up the present for dear.. but i wasnt allowed to do bcos i couldnt strain my eyes at all.. tsk tsk..

dear dear came over to acc mi on sat n sun.. i knew he was veri veri tired due to work.. but haha he stil came.. n he bought alot alot alot of magazines for mi.. ended up i got scolded by my mom cos she said i wasted his money.. -_-""" oh.. nigel came over on monday to acc although i told him no need... lol.. caught up with each other n we were discussing abt the fhm girls... hahaha.. *thanks =)

got discharge on tuesday as the doc mentioned that my eyes are recovering fast.. but had to put the drops every 3 hour.. kinda no diff.. sad to say.. i cant wear contact lens anymore... n my vision would be affected due to e scar left behind... haiz...

ytd was valentine's day !! of cos i spend it with him... more to update.. need to rest my eyes.. ^-^

whhheeee....

i m boreeddddd.... -_-"""

my dear asked mi ytd if i wanted to go night safari? how cool is tt.. lol.. night safari wor... a place which i have onli visited once... n its like in primary sch.. heee..

well well... i must find new hobbies to keep myself entertained.. if not i will realli miss him alot...

okok.. i am toking nonsense.. but its true ma.. if u got nth to do.. u would think abt stuffs.. n i just happen to always think abt him.. so ta da !..

blahz.. i am rambling stupid things again...
beng they all went zouk tonight... mambo!!!
i am so guai k.. i did not go... i wanna slp.... i need more time to finish it !! arrrghhh.... so little time....

ok... time to retreat into bed.. yea... zzzzz

I have been having serious panda eyes due to lack of slp.... for a couple of weeks or even mths !!!! All thanks to my clever idea...

N i tot it was so easy at first... but its so not.. took mi 4 mths to do it... ya.. i admit i did slack alittle in the 4 mths.. but still.. i must admit its not an easy feat for me...

tonight.. i decided to take a break.. n rest my eyes.. although the thing is not completed.. n i am like a gan chiong spider le... but i wanna zzzz...

went shopping wif charlene today.. lol.. both of us spent a great deal of time at the bra shop... lol.. getting fanatic over a particular bra.. ha! so shitter...

n we met up wif ahgong, gb and kl.. took a short walk around before going home...

I am tired !!!!

Its been awhile since i last updated.. shall do a short update on my cny..

1st day of cny
went to my 2nd aunt place... been a long time since i saw ling... lol.. chatted with her most of the time there.. after which was to my gugu's hse.. did not go due to some stuffs..
went over to lucas' place bai nian.. kind of scary cos his place was crowded with alot of ppl..
played sparklers with him n his cousins..
nothin much too..

2nd day of cny
accompanied him the whole day.. after which we went over to beng's place for steamboat .. lost alot at his place.. close to 70.. tsk..
went off early...

3rd day of cny
accompanied him the whole day too.. supposed to go jason's hse.. but eh.. did not go in the end.. lol.. lazy to explain..
caught the movie "fearless".. not a bad show...

4th day of cny
boring day... at work...
could feel i was getting sick... slept almost the whole day at work..

5th day of cny
went to the doc n got the day off...
n rested at home..
spent the whole day watching tv...

6th day of cny
Its a friday !!! yeay...
met up wif ahgong n gb at jp for dinner...
we went to watch Fun with Dick & Jane.. ha.. gb treated mi..
funni show !! all should go catch it.. lol..

7th day of cny
went to gb's place for steamboat...
met up wif char at bp interchange first.. met up wif gb, ahgong, jason n cp at jp..
supposed to go dbl o wif beng n all but sorriez ppl.. i really wasnt in a good mood..
played with ahgong's ps2.. n some mj session.. shiiter i lost again..
this year isnt a good year to gamble.. lol...

8th day of cny
yap.. today.. i decided to stay at home..
cos i think i am not in the right mood...
i need some time alone.. n i dont feel like seeing anyone.. =)
tata.. thats all.. cny is over soon..

I have been an ugly girl for the whole week.. wore specs everyday.. -_-

Starting to look for new jobs.. anyone wanna intro mi some?? lol.. kinda lazy to find.. but seeing that staying with this company would bring more harm to my future.. i buck myself up.. been searching thru the papers everyday.. n trust mi.. chemical engineers jobs are rare finds!

everyday at the company was chit chatting with chiew ling n walking rounds n rounds in the clean room cos there's simply nth for us to do ! talking to tt girl really makes mi think abt wat i want in my life..

Last fri acc him to chinatown to get new year decoration for his place.. on the way.. i finally told him how i felt abt our r/s.. n like i guessed it.. he doesnt even know tt he's been likdat.. I guess he must be pretty hurt as i mentioned that i really felt like giving at a point of time.. but i told him i stil cant bear to let go.. i hope we can work out the differences tog.. all was well.. =)

Saturday was spent at jerm's hse... union's reunion dinner... steamboat my fav ! hehe.. but its way too much ppl.. everyone's like a hungry ghost.. kind of put mi off.. so in the end mi spenc wee and rh ended up having our "miniature steamboat" ha!
yup, n tt night... was a terrible n messy affair.. jr got drunk.. n i guess its the first time he ever vomitted in his slp.. in the end the guys had to drag him into the toilet n bath him.. lol.. while mi lingzi n peisun cleared up the vomit n mucus mess he left behind... ewwwkks..

n Chinese new year's around the corner !! i really cant wait.. i dont know why... mayb cos its lotsa days of holiday for all of us.. ! =)

eye infection.... i learnt my lesson... gonna take good care of my eyes in the future...

cant even open my eyes on sunday night that i went to hospital for check up... turns out its serious infection of my upper eye lid... thank god my eye ball was not affected by the infection..

slept thru monday.. thankfully it starts to turn better.. i can finally see.. lol.. but with some blur vision.. so gonna turn into bed soon ! zzzz

ji dan !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stupid idiotic brainless freak !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arrrrghhhhh..........

seriously i really feel like killing someone... really feel like !!!!!!!!!
arrrrgghhhh........

-bang wall-
-bang wall-
-bang wall-

i wan to vent my frustrations !!!!!!!!!!!!! i can feel all of them bottling inside me.... just a small thing can ignite the blow le...

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PUI !